Feeling This
by Becks Rylynn
Summary: Prequel to the 'Silver Ring' series. 'In the night skies, within the shadows of the cold, dark motel, they wait for it to pass...' Dean, Ruby and the terrifying beginning of forever. Threeshot.
1. Ruby, you feel like breathing

AN: Alright, I was re-reading my 'Silver Ring' series stories and I decided I never really explained how they got together so I figured I'd do a story about how they realized their feelings and got together. This is a threeshot prequel to the 'Silver Ring' series and I hope it's good. In other news, I now have a promotional image for Wait Until Morning in my profile. It took me awhile to make and I still don't know if it's good enough. Oh, well. Enjoy the story.

Timeline: Sometime in season three.

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the songs used in this story.

* * *

**Feeling This**

Written by Becks Rylynn

**[1. Ruby, **_**you feel like breathing**_**]**

--

_hold your breath, kiss me now you'll catch my death_

_-natalie merchant, my skin_

--

It will pass.

Those things - what are they called? Ah, yes. Feelings - will go away. He won't be able to get under your skin anymore, the tingling will stop. When you're around him your skin will not hum and feel hot like fire. You will not itch for him.

It will pass. It has to. Because you're _not. Supposed. To. Feel. _

Not supposed to feel your heart beating wildly whenever he's around you. It will pass, you think. You know it will. This feeling inside, like something's crawling. The fear, the anxiety, the lust, the hunger, the longing, the...need to rip his clothes off.

It.

Will.

Pass.

This is just not the way things are supposed to be.

--

_leave me out with the waste, this is not what i do_

_-lisa flannigan, nine crimes_

--

The first kiss was innocent.

You could see piercing green eyes growing annoyed as the scores of the game rose in your favor. You could see the intense need to win in emerald orbs, like fire in water. You couldn't let that happen, you just loved messing with him so much.

He had been concentrating on the game, on _winning_, you could see by the way his jaw was set and his eyes were darkened that he did not just _not want_ to lose. He _could not_ lose. You got the distinct impression that no one had ever beat him at his own game before. _Well,_ you had decided, your own eyes growing fierce and determined and _almost_ black. _Things are about to change, Winchester._

Boy, were they ever.

He was just a toy to you back then as you sauntered like a predator, ready to tear him apart. He was only amusement. He was only nothing to you back then. You said his name in a whisper that threatened to turn into a sigh at any given moment. The change in his demeanor was recognizable as soon as his name left your lips in an almost whimper. He was weary (with good reason) as he stood straight and towered over you. He looked at you, half wincing, half smirking, afraid you were going to pounce. ''What, Ruby?'' He had murmured and the edge of his voice was not lost on you.

You shrugged it off and moved slowly and carefully, like some kind of animal. Like a dangerous siren. Like a _demon._ You hadn't even given him the chance to think let alone speak before you had crushed your lips onto his, tongue violently forcing itself into his mouth.

It was just a game. It was just supposed to throw him off, distract him long enough for you to win the game. Which you did. He was_ not _supposed to pull you closer and wrap an arm tightly around your waist, preventing you from moving. He was _not_ supposed to tangle his tongue in yours and take the control from your lips. He was _not _supposed to make you feel.

He was _not _supposed to kiss you back.

--

_it's in the water, baby, it's between you and me_

_-placebo, post blue_

--

The second kiss was never meant to be innocent.

It was meant to set you on fire.

You could see his dark intentions in his even darker eyes. _Congratulations, it worked._

It was violent. He grabbed you in a painful lock and threw you against a wall with enough strength that a mere human would have cried out in pain. You did not. And then he had kissed you hard, shoving his tongue down your throat.

You remember now that you had been afraid. When you tried to get away he had held you tighter, you had struggled but he had effortlessly pressed his body into yours, pinning you to the wall. You were not afraid he would hurt you, he couldn't. Not physically anyways. You were afraid he would make you _feel._

Eventually, however, you gave in, hands finding his hair, body melting into his. He pulled away when you moaned against his lips and you remember that his eyes had come about _this close_ to absolutely scaring the shit out of you. Green eyes, usually so lively, so filled with everything, so easily the window to his soul, had been dark and empty. So dark they were almost black. Like the roles had been reversed.

And only two things had shone through otherwise desolate orbs.

Anger and a very animalistic, feral lust that shook you down to your core. He had looked at you for a moment, his breathing unsteady and erratic, like he could not believe what he had just done and then he had walked away.

You had to use every bit of self control not to run after him and finish what had begun.

--

_here where we tremble at the same old thought_

_-pinback, how we breathe_

--

Things are complicated now.

There are things left lying in between you and _that_ damned (literally) Winchester. Things undiscovered and unsaid. You hate that with a passion because....because _it was not supposed to be him._ If anyone is ever supposed to make you feel this way, it's Sam. Not him. Fuck, _anyone_ but him. But....

...you find no matter what you do, you cannot fight this. You can fight anything in the world, but you can't fight this. Can't fight the tingling, the itching, the feelings. Can't fight _him._

He's going to kill you, he's going to send you spiraling headfirst into a black destruction, you are aware of that. But you simply don't remember how to fight against him. He's tiring, exhausting really as he contaminates your thoughts, your bloodflow, your heart, your every inch. Somehow, he's found a way to get past your walls and inside without doing a thing.

You hold your breath and wait for it to pass.

--

_rather do without, and just hold the smile_

_-the fray, never say never_

--

The door opens and you lift your eyes to his with a careless smirk as you cross one leg over the other, perched on a table doing your best Basic Instinct impression. You're fully prepared to at least _pretend_ to be in control and converse with the Winchester brothers. But when your instincts take over and the unnatural, hell spawned part of you slips into the driver's seat, you hear what normal people can't.

Like his heart speeding up, like his breathing quickening.

You feel something unwanted rise in your chest and it's like you can't breathe. You swallow hard and tell yourself it will pass.

''Ruby,'' he greets as he shuts the door with an unnecessary loud slam. His jaw twitches in irritation and all you see in his eyes is frustraion.

''Hi,'' you manage to get out. You sound breathy, like you've just reached air after being under the surface of suffocating water. God, how pathetic.

There's a storm brewing deep inside Dean Winchester as he turns away from you and shrugs out of his jacket.

''Sam?'' You ask and you're still gasping slightly, still sputtering for air. _Don't worry, it'll pass._

''Not here,'' he deadpans, starting to work the buttons on his shirt. He's going to take his shirt off, you realize with a start. A hysteric laugh grows in your chest and your throat like acid and escapes your lips before you have a chance to stop it. He turns towards you, dark eyes unamused, mouth drawn into a thin line. Unlike all the times you've encountered him, this time is different. There is no mirth, no sarcastic humor, just frustration and anger and if you look deep enough you think you might see a little fear. ''Somethin' funny?''

You swallow and have to close your eyes briefly, pushing away a rush of something a lot like lust at the sound of his deep, rumbling voice. _Don'tworryit'llpass. _Regaining a smidge of control, you slide off the table and in a rare and strange moment of clumsiness, you stumble. Actually,_ stumble_. How disgustingly human.

It almost brings a smirk to his face, but he stops it before his lips curve.

''Are you hurt?'' You ask hesitantly, running your hands over your jeans in an attempt to stop them from sweating.

''Do you care?'' He snaps, bitterness finding a place in his voice so easily it startles you.

You frown and fold your arms around your middle, seemingly confident as you move and speak with grace and ease. ''You don't like me, do you?''

He freezes, goes rigid, you swear the air goes a few degrees cooler. Your own body tenses and you have to take a step back, suddenly regretting the question. Slowly, he turns to look at you and you see signs of a struggle hidden deep within green eyes. You have to wonder is he struggling because his answer is _No, I don't like you_ or because it's _Yes, I do like you._ The second option terrifies you and you find yourself hoping he says _No, I don't like you, you demonic bitch._

He doesn't.

He doesn't say anything for a long time and then he looks away and heaves a heavy sigh, shoulders deflating. You feel his frustration slip away and when he finally looks at you again all you see in his eyes is weariness. ''Ruby,'' he speaks and his voice scares you a little because he just sounds so tired and lost. God, these mood swings of his are going to be the end of you. ''What do you want from me?''

You shift your weight from one foot to the other and wait for it to pass. ''I...I...I don't...I don't...''

''You don't what?!'' He bursts and you flinch, unwillingly.

Something grows inside and your eyes trip into black as you raise your head to glare. ''I don't know!'' Your voice sounds loud and you turn away, raking a shaking hand through blonde hair. ''I don't know, Dean, I don't know what we're doing here.'' There's silence, like a thousand needles and you feel like you should run but your feet won't let you. The chemicals between the two of you are about ready to explode and you can feel his own fear from across the room, mixing with your own. This is something new for both of you. This whole _emotion _crap. You've never liked it. Even before, when you were..._someone_. When you were human.

He speaks up, rudely ripping you from your reverie. ''Are you feeling this?''

The words mean more, they mean everything, you know exactly what they mean as you slowly turn to face him. You ask anyways. ''Feeling what?''

_''This!''_ He throws his hands up in the air and takes a step. And the thought of him being closer nearly makes you tremble. So you go back when he goes forwards. Like an instinct, like a dance. You shouldn't be surprised. All you've ever done with Dean Winchester is dance. ''Whatever this is! This...This _something_ between us!'' He lowers his voice so it's almost a growl and his eyes pierce you like they're blades. ''Do you feel it like I do?''

You gulp and lick your lips. Don't worry, it'll pass. ''I do,'' you close your eyes and shake your head. ''It'll pass.''

He laughs, like a maniac and moves forwards. You go back. He sighs, irritated. ''For God's sake, Ruby, stop doing that!''

''What?''

''Moving away from me. I'm not a fucking monster.''

Control is but a distant memory as you gaze intently at him and try to slow down your breathing. ''No,'' you say, tonelessly. ''But I am.''

He stops, like someone has pressed pause and looks at you carefully, tilting his head to the side in a movement that can only be described as _demonic_. You really are a bad influence on this man, aren't you? Something's about to break, you can feel it in the air. Maybe it's you, maybe it's him, maybe it's the invisible wall between you.

''I wish I believed you were a monster, Ruby,'' he whispers, looking away from you. ''It would be easier. But I...I just don't.'' He starts towards you again, moving slowly and almost like you did in that smoky bar the first night your lips met his. He's moving like a lust filled animal.

Well, if the shoe fits....

You do not move away this time, you cannot remember how. He's doing this, he's doing something, he must be.

''I can't think of you like that,'' he continues.

''I don't know why,'' you say and your whisper sounds like a plea. A plea for...what exactly? Do you want him to think of you as a monster? Maybe you do. Maybe it would be easier.

''I don't know why either.'' His voice drops to a murmur that promises danger.

''Maybe this will help.'' Blue turns black again and all you want is for these feelings to go away. ''Do you see the monster now, Dean?'' Don't worry, it'll pass.

He looks at you and then shakes his head slowly. ''Nope,'' he's close now, really close, there isn't even inches between you. You can feel heat radiating off of him and have to wonder if you feel cold compared to him. You always feel cold in the absence of the flames. ''All I see is Ruby,'' and then his lips are on your neck before you can stop him and you gasp in surprise and something else, black falling away like it was never there at all. ''You're not like the others, Ruby,'' he says and you feel like you're dying.

This is all too much.

The lust, the hunger, the need, the fear, the...everything. The _feelings._ You decide you don't like them and you wish for them to go away. ''It'll pass,'' you hear your unsteady voice say.

He looks at you and you can see clearly now, like a veil has been lifted. He's just as scared as you are, masking it with anger and lust. ''It'll pass?'' He asks of you, his voice daring to be hopeful.

''Yes,'' you find your arms wind around his neck and you're totally powerless to stop it. He tilts his head so his forehead is touching yours and his lips are inches away from yours. Your eyes close because you can't find the strength to keep them open. ''It will pass,'' you manage to get out, in a breathy whisper.

And then his lips meet yours and every last broken piece of fragmented control, logic and reason slips through your fingertips. The next thing you know, his tongue is in your mouth and your back is hitting the soft motel mattress. His hands move to the edge of your shirt and your hands snake towards the buckle on his jeans, shaking and fumbling nervously. But when his lips move to your neck and he says your name, you remember that you're afraid.

You remember that you're waiting for it to pass.

''N-No.'' You push him off of you and stand, swiping at your lips. ''We can't do this. I...I can't do this.'' Because you're not ready to admit that it won't pass.

''I can't either,'' he says and runs a hand through his hair. ''This is wrong.'' He stands and his eyes crinkle with darkness. ''_We're_ wrong.''

You shouldn't feel anything at those words because he's right. Actually, you shouldn't feel anything. _Peroid._ But you do. You feel everything. And it sucks. ''We are.'' You nod and try not to look at him. You try to look somewhere else. _Anywhere_ else. The stained carpet, the scratched table, the cracked ceiling. But his body is like a magnet and your eyes must be made of metal because you can't look away.

''Jesus, Ruby,'' he mutters, shakily. ''What are you doing to me?''

And then he's crossed the distance and he's kissing you again. You kiss back eagerly, even though your terrified heart and head are telling you to run. He kisses your lips and your neck and your cheeks and your every inch of you, like he can't seem to stop himself. Can't let you go. One of you, you're not sure who, starts to move towards the door.

It'll pass. Don't worry, it'll pass. It'll pass, it'll pass, it'll pass.

''You have to go,'' he mumbles against you.

You nod weakly and cling to him when your body starts to tremble. ''Have to go,'' you repeat, like it isn't getting through. ''I have to go.'' Your hand reaches behind you and grasps the doorknob. ''Dean...'' His name comes out in a breathless whisper.

''I don't want you to go.''

''I don't want to go.'' His lips are still on your skin, you're both still holding on tightly and you're sure the heat between you is making it impossible to breathe. ''I have to.''

He nods and the door opens, bitterly cold air spilling through and hitting the both of you like physical slaps. ''I know.''

''Dean...'' It comes out in a gasp, because you're having a really hard time breathing right about now. ''Wait for it to pass.''

''Right,'' he whispers, ''wait for it to pass.''

And then you're outside with your back against the door, chest heaving up and down. Your breathing is barely ragged gasps and it hangs in the cold air, little gray wisps of lust, desire and something you cannot name. He's still there, on the other side of the door. You can feel him. You don't know how, so don't ask, you just _can._ The world is spinning in an unfamiliar way that you _do not_ like and there's something rising inside, like a virus. Your legs won't support you anymore, you can't stand any longer, so you slide to the ground and you swear you can feel him do the same, but maybe that is just your imagination.

_Fuck._

Your eyes close and you feel pressure build behind blue irises. Are those tears? Your lip curls in disgust and you swallow down a scoff at the human feeling, but you let one single tear fall anyways. You don't know what to do, you don't know how to deal with these things - feelings, you have to remind yourself - inside. This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to be him. Not him. You don't really want to _have _to deal. Words cannot describe how much you wish you were cold and unfeeling like all the others right about now. But you're not like the others, you never will be and you are going to have to deal with these feelings...eventually.

For now...denial sounds good.

So you do the only thing you're ready to do.

You wait for it to pass.

_(and in the night skies, within the shadows of the cold, dark, motel, they wait for it to pass....)_

--

_how stupid could i be, a simpleton could see, that you're no good for me, but you're the only one i see_

_-sarah mclachlan, stupid_

**end part one**

* * *

**AN: So, yeah, that's part one. I don't know how I feel about the way the lyrics are, but they fit so well with the story. The title of this chapter comes from the song _Come Around_ by Rosi Golan. Anyways, the next part is in Dean's POV. It's the same night, only with his thoughts. I don't have a lot to say about this story besides I hope you liked it.**

**Kisses, Becks**


	2. Dean, like a virus

AN: ...And here we go again! The second part: Dean's POV of their complicated not-quite-a-relationship.

Timeline: Still the same. Sometime in season three.

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them or any of the songs in this chapter.

* * *

**Feeling This**

Written by Becks Rylynn

**[2. Dean, **_**like a virus**_**]**

**--**

_no, you can't stop thinking about her_

_-rachael yamagata, worn me down_

--

She is like a tornado.

Angry and wild and unpredictable. She is the definition of danger and yet you cannot seem to stay away from her. You know you should, you know you should hate her but for some unknown reason, you just can't.

You don't like this.

You don't like the feelings digging deep under your skin, making you tremble and itch for her. You don't like it one bit. She is no good, _you_ are no good. A relationship between two people like you will only cause mayhem and destruction and chaos all around. You _know_ that and you still can't seem to shake her. It's not fair. Damn her for making you feel this way.

There's this feeling in your chest now, every single day. You know what it is, _of course _you do, how could you not? But you don't dare to say it out loud in fear that will make it real. It is like a virus, crawling in and out, burrowing beneath skin and seeping into your bloodflow, leaving nothing but an empty, hollow shell in it's wake. You wait for it to stop, to pass, to just go away, but it never does. It is something dark and powerful and it scares you more then the fact that your time is running out.

Damn her.

--

_i think i'm drowning, asphyxiated, i wanna break this spell that you've created_

_-muse, time is running out_

--

The first kiss was an accident.

You didn't mean to kiss her back, really you didn't. It was an instinct, it was automatic. From the moment she looked at you, fire in her blue irises, you knew exactly what she was going to do, you knew the game she was playing. Should have stopped her. Didn't. Couldn't remember how. You let her kiss you, let her win and you _kissed back._

You only wanted to scare her a little, make her feel a little something new and frightening. You just wanted to win. You_ could not _lose. So you pulled her closer and kissed her back, devouring her like she was the best thing you had ever tasted. You hadn't planned on the contact awakening something very animalistic that lived inside. You hadn't planned on setting this virus into motion. You had been quite startled - maybe even scared - when you realized she...._was_ the best thing you had ever tasted.

The whole thing was never supposed to happen. You knew what she was, you knew what she was playing at, you couldn't trust her as far as you could throw her. You hated her so bad and yet...whenever you saw her back then when things were simple, your eyes sought her out like she was the first glimpse of sunlight in your darkened world. She was attractive and sharp tongued and a damn good fighter. Everything you looked for in a woman. If she was human you would chase her, go after her, in a minute, in a second, in an instant. But she_ wasn't _human and the attraction you had was just _not allowed._

So...maybe the first kiss was simply an experiment, maybe you were just trying to see if you could make her scared, if you could make something,_ anything_, shine in those blue eyes of hers.

You remember now, when she pulled away there was only control in her eyes as she went back to the game, flawlessly pretending that nothing had happened as she proceeded to win the game (you maintain that you _let_ her win) and take your money. But if you looked deep enough, you were about 97% sure you could see fear lining her eyes like the silver edges of a cloud. You had wondered vaguely if fear shone bright like a candle in your own eyes. Very probable.

Something else broke through that night as well. For months before that first encounter, you had dreamed of hellfire and torture and the Devil's whispers, often waking in a cold sweat, gasping for air that was not there as you tried desperately not to think about all of the things that you would have to endure once your time was up and the clock struck midnight. But that night after the first encounter, you had dreamt only of her.

And that_ infuriated _you because she was _not. Supposed. To. Be. The. One._

She was not supposed to be the one who saved you.

--

_the killer in me is the killer in you, send this smile over to you_

_-smashing pumpkins, disarm_

--

The second kiss was meant to light the match.

She had poured the kerosene that night in the smoke filled bar with her graceful, predatory movements and her games of kiss and control. You were simply lighting the match that had been handed to you.

You were violent, you remember, and mean, almost demonic as you grabbed her by the arms and used dangerous strength to slam her up against a wall. Your heart and head were screaming at you to stop, but you hadn't listened as you kissed her lips hard, wrestling her mouth open and slamming your tongue inside. She had struggled, you had held tighter, grabbing her wrists and pinning them above her head, pressing your body into hers in an attempt to keep her. She gave in eventually, you knew she would, hands tangling in your hair as she kissed back with fervor. Something deep inside, something dark and bloodthirsty and very much inhuman had thrilled, rejoicing at the physical contact that would have been murderous if she was anything less than what she was.

And you had very nearly let things go too far, you had almost taken her,_ stolen _her right there up against the wall, but you stopped. You had made yourself stop. The sound of her moan brought you back to reason and control and you pulled away, glaring with everything you had because you hated her so much for doing this to you.

Before you could hurt her (and you're afraid you probably would have tried, if only to stop the feelings, the virus rising up inside) you walked away, fighting a very strong and chilling urge to finish the fire you had started.

--

_part your lips a little bit more, i'll swallow your fear_

_-afi, kiss and control_

--

Now....the virus continues to spread, the disease continues to work it's way through your body like a crawling black cancer.

She is something dark, something wicked. She is something that cannot be tamed. She will break you into a thousand pieces, she will kill you. But fuck it. What a way to fucking die.

The things left unsaid are starting to make you ache, the feelings you have are starting to bury you underneath a crawling virus. But you don't fight, you can't, you won't. You're already too far gone. You know that the minute you start to want her, _need_ her like you need air, you're in too deep. But you cannot turn back now, she is all you see.

And fuck, doesn't that just suck ass?

You hate her and this stupid virus inside. You wish it would go away and leave you alone. That's a bitter lie and everything inside you knows it.

Beneath skin, something crawls. You hold your breath.

--

_are there any left who haven't kissed the enemy?_

_-switchfoot, the blues_

--

You're pretty sure you're more bruised then usual tonight. The ghost you've just sent packing back to home sweet hell was revenge driven and hell bent on killing anything and anyone who got in it's way. If that's not enough, you keep seeing her everywhere you go (well, not her really, just the version of her that lives inside your head) she keeps whispering in your ear, she keeps telling you she knows all about..._it._ The thing inside that crawls and worms. That damned virus that threatens to send you doubling over everytime it rears it's ugly head. That damned virus that wants nothing more then to end you.

Sammy leaves as soon as you get back to the shitty motel, on a food run, he says. But you know your brother better then he knows himself. Sammy just wants to get away from your Ruby induced brooding. You can't blame the kid. What you wouldn't give to get away....

You don't say anything to him as you climb out of the car and wordlessly toss him the keys, wincing when bruises throb painfully. You don't even smirk when he fumbles to catch the keys, almost smacking his head on the window. He frowns at that, arches an eyebrow when you don't not-so-kindly remind him to get the pie or you'll gut him like a fish.

You can't seem to find your voice and you know exactly why. She's there again. Inside. Whispering and hissing, voice cruel and lethal. It sends shivers down your spine.

_'I know all about what you feel, Dean. I know everything you keep, I know all about the virus.'_

''Shut up,'' you murmur out loud as you trudge up the stairs, shaking hands searching for the motel keys you know are...._somewhere._

_'I know how you feel about me. I know you want me, sweetie.'_

''I don't want you,'' you growl, low in your throat and your eyes narrow in anger and frustration. You pray for it to stop, you know it never will. It won't go away. She won't go away. Fucking bitch.

(whoa, little harsh there, don't you think, killer?)

_'You can't fight the virus for much longer. You can't fight me for much longer.'_

''Get. Out. Of. My. Head.'' Desperate to escape her, you jam the key in the lock and push her voice away to the back of your mind with all the strength you can muster. Much to your dislike, it's not much at the moment. The door opens, you step inside and almost immediately, your heart starts to race, your breathing quickens and the virus rises in your body. Stomach, chest, throat...._heart._

This is not just in your head. This is not just your imagination. This is real. She is real. She's really there. How fucking scary is that?

She sits, perched on the table, looking beautiful and deadly and..._not at all_ in control. Huh. Fascinating. She rarely ever loses control.

''Ruby,'' her name escapes in a growl and you have to bite back a grimace when you slam the door perhaps a bit too hard. Your jaw twitches. Whatever. This is all her fault anyways.

''Hi,'' she says and she sounds out of breath and slightly nervous. Hey, that's a new one for her. Her chest rises and falls unsteadily and you have to actually physically force yourself to turn away from her, shrugging out of your jacket. Bruises on skin scream and yell in protest at the careless motion. You ignore the pain. ''Sam?'' She rasps out from behind you and you almost scoff and push back a nasty sneer.

Of course she's here for Sam, she's _his _fallen angel, she doesn't feel the virus like you do. For a second, you wonder if she's screwing your brother and you have to force your voice empty as you answer, ''Not here.'' How your fingers don't tremble as they move to the buttons on your shirt, you don't know but you are _unbelievably_ glad. You think about Sam and Ruby for a moment, sickness rising inside of you and then you decide your Sammy would never sleep with her. When you breathe, you make it steady and swallow the virus and the sickness.

She laughs now, hysteric and breathless. And you do not appreciate the feeling you get when the sound seems like the most beautiful song in the world. You turn, eyes dark and ask her, ''Somethin' funny?'' Your voice is low and you think you might see lust shoot through her blue eyes like a bullet, but you kick that thought away like trash because it _isn't helping._

She slides off the table, stumbles and almost falls, catching herself and blushing. You start to feel a smirk coming on, because she just looks so cute all nervous and jittery and - Oh, God, you did _not_ just think of her as cute.

''Are you hurt?'' She asks, a little hesitantly.

''Do you care?'' You fire back shortly, voice bitter and hollow.

She frowns and you regret your tone instantly, but you won't say that. Her arms wind around her middle as she moves towards you, calm and controlled as she drawls, ''You don't like me, do you?''

Your body turns to stone, you shiver and the world spins madly. You're not sure how you look, but you must look pretty damn scary because she takes a step back. Well, good. She should be the one that's scared for once. You're sick of feeling like this. You struggle to stay silent and not scream at her, _Of course I like you, you stupid woman! I think I lo - _

_No! Do not go there, Dean!_

You're not looking at her as anger slides off of you, like drops of rain that fall all over. Now you're tired. Really fucking tired. You just want her to go away, you can't take this. ''Ruby,'' your voice sounds lost, even to your own ears and you can practically taste her annoyance at your mood swings. ''What do you want from me?''

''I...I...I don't...I don't...''

''You don't what?!''

She flinches and you start to almost apologize, but then she looks up and her eyes are black and you're suddenly not so sorry anymore. ''I don't know!'' She screams out. She turns away and pulls a hand that shakes through her hair. ''I don't know, Dean, I don't know what we're doing here.''

You don't say anything and silence falls because you don't know either. All you know is that this virus seems to be growing with every second that passes in her presence. It's a long time before you speak, but you do because you can't keep it all locked away anymore. ''Are you feeling this?''

''Feeling what?'' She asks, even though you get the distinct impression she knows exactly what you're talking about.

''This!'' You throw your hands up, in frustration and take a step. She goes back, like it's an instinct for her to run away from you. ''Whatever this is! This...This _something_ between us!'' You lower your voice into a growl as she dances away from you. ''Do you feel it like I do?'' You beg for her to say no so you can get over her and move on.

''I do,'' she says and closes her eyes.

The virus continues to crawl.

''It'll pass.''

You laugh bitterly at the words that flow from her mouth like a mantra, and your laugh sounds crazy and maniacal. When you move towards her, she moves away from you and you just can't stand it. ''For God's sake, Ruby, stop doing that!''

''What?''

''Moving away from me. I'm not a fucking monster.''

She pauses for a moment and when she speaks, her voice is so dead it frightens you....just a little. ''No. But I am.''

You stop and study her closely, tilting your head to the side. Your girl looks like she's about to fall. And did you seriously just call her _your girl_? Oh, dear God. This is bad. ''I wish I believed you were a monster, Ruby,'' you say in a whisper and can't find the strength to look at her. ''It would be easier. But, I....I just don't.'' The animal inside takes over and when you move, you are not yourself, but the virus. She does not move away this time. ''I can't think of you like that.''

''I don't know why,'' she whispers.

''I don't know why either.''

''Maybe this will help.'' She shows you her black eyes, she shows you the inhuman creature she is, but you find you don't care. Even though you should. Even though that is what you have been taught. Demons bad, humans good. No shades of gray, no inbewteens. ''Do you see the monster now, Dean?'' She asks, quietly.

''Nope,'' you say and you move in a little closer. ''All I see is Ruby.'' You're well aware that there are only inches - not even - separating you. Her body feels warm, a pleasant surprise. You had been expecting cold. Since you can't seem to stop yourself, you kiss her neck and she gasps slightly in surprise. You bite back a grin. The virus likes the sound of her surprise. ''You're not like the others, Ruby.''

''It'll pass,'' she whimpers.

See, there's those words again. _It'll pass._ Oh, if only. She sounds so sure. Silly you, you actually start to believe. Slowly and somewhat reluctantly, you pull away from her and your _only slightly _terrified eyes meet her cerulean ones. ''It'll pass?'' You hate how hopeful your voice sounds, but whatever, you're not really in the mood to care at this precise moment in time.

''Yes,'' her arms go around your neck and your forehead touches hers, heavy and labored breathing the soundtrack of deadly longing. ''It will pass.''

And now you kiss her because you can't help it. Your movements are uncharacteristically gentle as you maneuver her over to the bed, laying her down. The virus is winning, you realize as your tongue fights with hers and your hands move up her shirt, feeling smooth skin that feels softer then you thought it would, and you don't even care. Her hands move to the buckle on your jeans and you think if you can just get this over with, if you can just screw her, maybe the virus will be fed and it will all go away. Your lips move to her neck and you don't even realize you say her name until she stops and her hands move to your chest, pushing you away.

''N-No.'' Easily, she moves out from underneath you and you have to swallow a growl. ''We can't do this,'' she gasps out, through gulps of air. ''I..I can't do this.'' She sounds scared. Her fear throws a burst of logic and reason at you and you realize she's right.

''I can't either,'' you mutter, raking a hand through your hair. ''This is wrong.'' This virus is killing you. ''_We're_ wrong.''

She nods and her eyes dart around wildly, as if she's searching for something other than you to focus her eyes on. ''We are.'' She looks just like a frightened animal and...well...it's a pretty good look on her.

Okay, she's _way_ too far away from you.

''Jesus, Ruby,'' there's too much space between you, you're too far apart, you need to be closer, you need to be _touching._ ''What are you doing to me?'' It happens in a blur, the distance is closed and your lips are on hers within seconds and now you're kissing her and she's kissing you and....you need her like you need air. You are officially in too fucking deep and you just can't seem to find the will to care. It's not just her lips you're kissing, it's her every inch, like you're afraid you'll never see her again. You're not sure how you manage to do it, but somehow you start to move towards the door, determined to win this fight against the virus and get her _out._

Out of your head, out of your heart and out of the room.

''You have to go,'' you whisper.

She nods, but she holds on tight, body trembling, fingernails piercing your skin. ''Have to go. I have to go.'' She reaches for the doorknob and your name escapes her lips in a moan. ''Dean...''

''I don't want you to go.'' Hello! Where did that come from? Do you have no control over what comes out of your mouth? Apparently not.

''I don't want to go.'' Her skin tastes good on your lips and her body just seems to _fit_ with yours. Okay! You _really_ need her to go away now. ''I have to go,'' she murmurs and then cold air hits like a brick. Well, hello mood killer.

''I know,'' you hear yourself say.

''Dean,'' she manages to say, ''wait for it to pass.''

''Right,'' because you don't have the heart to tell her that it will never pass, you nod and swallow thickly. ''Wait for it to pass.''

And then the door shuts and suddenly you're all alone and barely breathing. You lean against the door and your legs buckle, sending you crashing while the world spins and the virus hammers in your chest. You know she's still there, you can feel her like the door isn't there at all. Virus whispers and hisses inside, begging to be let free and you claw at your chest, wishing, hoping and praying it will _stop._

It won't.

It won't stop.

It'll never stop.

Well....fuck.

You're really falling for this girl.....

....aren't you?

_(and the virus crawls in and out of them, a terrifying villain, a whisper, a promise of more to come as it goes in and out, in and out...)_

--

_carve your name into my arm, instead of stressed i lie here charmed_

_-placebo, every me, every you_

**end part two**

* * *

**AN: Well, there you have it! So, yeah, it's basically just chapter one from Dean's POV and they never actually got together, but....I just couldn't resist doing Dean's POV. I think it was more fun to write Dean's POV then Ruby's. Hmm... Anyways, the next part (and the last part) will be when they finally get together. It takes them long enough.**

**Kisses, Becks**


	3. Both, closer

AN: Yes, yes, I know, it took me an unbelievable amount of time to get this finished, but what can I say? I went out of town for a few days, my computer's been acting cranky and this last chapter was incredibly hard to write. I still don't know how much I like this chapter, I just wanted to get it posted. Oh well...here it is...

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, the characters or any of the songs featured in this story.

* * *

**Feeling This**

Written by Becks Rylynn

**[3. Both, **_**Closer**_**]**

--

_she took my heart, I think she took my soul_

_-kings of leon, closer_

--

Ruby's not really sure where she stands with Dean Winchester. Sure, there may have been a few incidents with their tongue's dueling in each other's mouths, a few times his hand has creeped up her shirt, and there's obviously _something_ between them. That night in the motel room, that night she tries hard to forget, that night they both pretend never happened is proof that there is _something_. He makes her feel like no one else in the world. But, it's not like they're...._together_ or anything. They're not nothing, but they're not really something either. They're....complicated.

Their little complication is beginning to give her a headache and she's pretty damn sure her life would be nothing but smooth sailing if it weren't for him and the strange crackling of electricity and heat making her skin itch. Yeah, her life would most definitely be easier without Dean Winchester. But she just can't seem to give it up. Him, their stolen kisses, the way he makes her feel, or their complicated tangle of a relationship. She's fairly certain he's the most dangerous poison out there and he's killing her slowly. She decides she doesn't care.

She hears about the case in the small Iowa town before the Winchesters do. It's just a simple case of possession, she thinks, but when she takes a closer look, she finds it's not just a simple case of possession. Not just foolish demons invading human bodies, trying to walk among the living. They're not like her. They're nothing like her. These demons don't go for the fully grown adult bodies. They like the kids. Small, innocent children who have no idea what's happening to them are being possessed by big bad demons. They're just kids and Ruby's startled and slightly shaken to find the thought of children dying makes her feel something that doesn't feel good. She's convinced it's all Dean's fault. He's the one that started this_ feeling _thing and now she can't stop. It's appalling.

The boys come into the town on a rainy day, car rumbling loudly down mainstreet. She watches from the shadows as they slip into their business modes, dealing with the possessions like professionals. She doesn't leave the darkness behind, doesn't offer help, doesn't even let them know she's watching. Although, she gets the distinct impression Dean knows she's there, because twice he's looked right at her, twinkle in his eyes, smirk on his lips like he's looking right at her even though he can't see her.

Not all of the kids make it. She grimaces when she watches as black smoke leaves five tiny bodies and two of them crumple to the ground, eyes wide open and unseeing. The ones that do survive won't be the same, she knows that better than anyone. Sam takes it hard, she expects that. He wouldn't be Sam if he was totally fine and unfeeling. But he's not the one she's worried about. The green eyed Winchester has a tendancy to bottle everything up and she won't lie, sometimes he scares her.

Sam'll be fine, he'll deal. That's the difference between the Winchester brothers - one of many - Sam will deal with his emotions, he will face them. Dean will not. Dean will hide and keep everything locked away in a box in his chest until it all explodes resulting in something physical and dangerous, and she doesn't like the sound of that, so she follows him when he leaves Sam behind to go drown his sorrows.

She figures if she can't make him talk, she can at least keep him from giving himself alcohol poisoning.

--

_oh, i'm gonna be wounded, oh, i'm gonna be your wound_

_-the word of your body, jonathan graff & lea michele_

--

Dean's not really sure where he stands with Ruby. He remembers the touch of her lips on his, he remembers the feel of her smooth skin when his hand slipped up her shirt, he remembers that there is something strange and frightening that lives between them. He remembers the virus and the night he tries to forget. He remembers she truly is one of a kind. She has the ability to make him feel things he hasn't felt in forever. She's the one making this stupid, insufferable virus crawl under skin. But they're not together, he knows that. They're not apart, he knows that too. They're something, they're nothing, they're.....complicated.

Her blue eyes that see through all the crap he puts her through, that look she gives him like he's the only thing there is, all of the things she does....they're beginning to give him a headache and make his stomach jump uncomfortably. He knows that he should hate her. She's a_ demon._ Maybe he should kill her, send her back to hell. Except the thought of never seeing her terrifies him like nothing else in the world. Okay, so he feels_ something _for her. Okay, so he's not sure he'd work without her anymore. But he doesn't _love_ her.

He doesn't remember how to love like that.

It's just a crush, just a physical attraction. It'll go away. He'll find someone else to obsess over, someone else to fuel that nasty little virus. Someone, anyone else will captivate him like she does. She'll be nothing but a distant memory soon enough.

_(liar.)_

The news of a case had been a relief to him. He had been glad that something would take him away from thoughts of her. He had wanted a distraction. Didn't work. Halfway through the case his body went rigid and he felt familiar eyes on him. Even though he couldn't see her, he knew she was there. He had turned to the shadows with a smirk that said he was totally in control when really he wasn't anywhere near keeping control. He didn't say anything, didn't ask her to come out of her hiding place. The thoughts of her were paralyzing and he thinks now, if he hadn't been so wrapped up in thoughts of her maybe he could have saved those two children who didn't make it. He thinks maybe, just maybe he could have _done something._

Even now, he knows he should do_ more_, feel _more_ for those children. He feels guilty that he doesn't. They should be the only thing he's thinking about. But she's in his head and she's in his heart and he can't get her out. Can't make her disappear. He just can't stop thinking about her, she's driving him crazy. But he _does not_ love her. And he will keep saying that until his last breath.

After the case, he takes to a local bar, a real dive and tries to drown in alcohol. He's not sure what he's hoping the alcohol will do. Numb the pain, dull the fear, push away the grief, destroy the guilt, kill the..._feelings_ he has for Ruby. Remember now, he _does not _love her. They're just feelings, doesn't mean anything. Whatever he wants, whatever he's waiting for, whatever he's drinking for, it ain't comin'.

He's pretty much convinced himself he's insane, when she shows up. He hears someone heave a heavy sigh and knows it's her without even looking up. It's frightening how he can feel her like she's part of him. A lot of things about her frighten him. She pulls herself onto a barstool next to him, their shoulders brush, his body tenses, a grin flashes across her face for half a second, but it's gone before he can even attempt to look at it again and check to see if it really was as feral as he thought it was. ''What are you doin' here, Ruby?'' He turns his gaze to her, somewhat hesitantly and finds those blue eyes of hers are piercing through every wall he's tried to put up.

She looks a little unsure of herself, odd for her, she _never _looks unsure. ''I....'' She pauses and struggles for the right words she can't find. ''I don't know. I think....I think I was worried about you.''

He quirks an eyebrow and shoots her a grin at her feeble answer. ''You_ think_?''

''Dean...'' She closes her eyes and tries not to look at him. ''This is all very new for me.''

''What?''

She opens her eyes, meets his and smiles, except it's a little lost and forlorn and it shakes on her lips, like she's not really sure what she's doing. ''Feeling.'' She answers his question in a low murmur and she _almost_ blushes, but that's a little _too _human for her, so she pushes it away.

He thinks about that for a moment and tries to figure out how that makes him feel. He won't say anything, but....this is all pretty new for him too. ''I make you feel?''

She nods and lets a moment pass in silence before she reaches out and touches his cheek gently. He's not sure how this happens, he's not sure why her touch brings it all to the surface, but it does. He actually jumps at the strange feeling in his chest at the contact. A second passes, just one second, but it feels like eternity and then he leans into her touch like it's all that's keeping him from the edge. But he_ does not_ love her.

''Will you talk to me?'' She whispers.

He takes in a ragged breath and shakes his head, moving away from her touch and gulping down a swig of beer. ''Talking's never been my strong suit.''

She shrugs carelessly and crosses her legs primly. ''Mine either. But I'm trying, aren't I?'' He doesn't say anything and she has to swallow a strange aching in her throat as she stares down at her hands. ''You know, Dean...those kids...those kids are going to remember you as a hero.''

Dean scowls at the thought and can't look at her. ''They shouldn't.''

When he raises the bottle of beer to his lips she rolls her eyes dramatically and reaches out, snatching the bottle from his hands and letting frustration seep into her next words. ''Stop trying to drown yourself, Dean, it won't work. You can't escape this.'' She doesn't see his chest nearly still at her words because he thinks she's talking about something else. ''You can't do this everytime a hunt goes wrong.'' He breathes, she doesn't notice. ''If you would just deal with everything you're feeling inside - ''

''Everything I'm feeling inside?'' Dean lets out a bitter bark of laughter that would chill her to the bone if she wasn't who she is. ''You got about a year, baby? 'Cause that's how long it'll take to tell you everything I'm feeling inside. And you know what? It's not just about those kids. Don't get me wrong, they're a big part of it, they.....they had their whole lives ahead of them and they didn't deserve to die like that, _no one _deserves to die like that. But...it's _so_ much more than that. It's hell, it's this damned deal, it's Sammy, it's me, it's_ you_, Ruby.''

''Me?''

''Yes, it's you. It's the way you make me feel. It's confusing and scary and I don't like it. I _don't love you_, but I feel _something_ and I shouldn't. I shouldn't feel anything for you.''

His eyes are empty, staring straight ahead and then....she roughly grabs onto his jacket and pulls him to her, lips inches away from his, eyes locking with his. She actually looks quite dangerous. ''Listen to me, you stupid, _stupid_ man. I. Don't. Like. Watching. You. Do. This. To. Yourself. You think _you're_ confused? You should spend a few minutes in my head. There's all these human feelings rushing around inside me and most of them are for you. Look, Dean,'' she softens and can't say anymore about herself, so she smiles and tries to help him. ''You can't keep running forever. Sam needs you. I...'' She pulls away and swallows hard, pushing blond hair out of her face nervously. ''I think I need you.''

At the words, he visibly flinches and leans forwards, dropping his head into his hands. This is bad. This is getting too serious, they're going too far, too deep. She can't need him, he's no good for her. She deserves more. She deserves someone like...someone like Sam. He looks up sharply and finds she's still there. She hasn't walked away, or given up like every other woman in his life. She's still here. And that is what sends him over the edge.

''I have to go,'' he stands, hands fumbling for a few bills he can throw down and run.

She frowns and shakes her head, closing her eyes briefly. Of course he's going to run. That's all he ever does. ''Dean,'' she tries, ''we were talking.''

''I know.'' She watches as he rakes a hand through his hair and arches a perfect eyebrow when she sees it shake. He clenches his hands into fists and tries to keep control. No. He _does not _love her_._ ''I just...'' _If I stay, I won't be able to control myself._ ''...I have to go.'' His heart tells him to stay, his fear tells him to run and soon, he's outside in cold air, away from her.

She swivels around to watch him go, biting down on her lip, irritation marring her pretty face. A moment passes, just one, and then she goes after him because like hell is she going to let him slip out of her grasp...again. ''Dean!''

''Not now, Ruby,'' he barks, and his voice is merely a frustrated grunt, but she thinks she might hear something else hidden deep.

''No!'' She stops to catch her breath and sees her breath hanging in the cold November air. ''I need you to stop walking away from this, Dean! It's all you ever do!'' She remembers she was afraid of these feelings for him once. She still is a little. But...they've won. She can't fight them anymore. It's too hard and she knows she'll never win. So there. She's given up fighting the strange, confusing feelings of _something_ she has for Dean Winchester. They win.

Great. Now all she has to do is get him to stop running.

Easier said than done.

He stops in his tracks at her words, but doesn't turn around to face her. He can't look into those blue eyes and see everything. He just can't.

She takes a half step forwards, pauses, and then takes another. ''Dean....'' Her voice is soft and gentle, like music, and she's trying _so hard_ to get through to him. ''Please tell me what's going on.''

''Trust me, Ruby, you do _not _want to know.'' He _does not_ love her, he _does not_ love her.

''Try me.''

There's something burning in his chest like a wildfire, the virus is pushing words into his throat and he snarls, whirling around to face her. She takes a step back at the look in his eyes, but he's too far gone to care. In two quick strides, he's crossed the distance, grabbed her shoulders, and...roughly slammed her into a wall. She makes a noise between a gasp and a sigh, but her eyes don't give away anything she's feeling. ''I....'' He pauses and tries to stop this, but he's not in control at the moment. He tries to tell himself that he _does not_ love her, but it doesn't work. ''...I love you,'' he grinds out, eyes flashing between lost and angry. ''You stupid bitch.''

She doesn't even try to find words, she's too stunned to even think at the moment. Every time she opens her mouth to speak, her voice gets caught in her throat. Whatever. She doesn't know what she would say anyways.

As if realizing what he's just done, what's he's just _said,_ Dean pulls away from her and looks away. He waits for a moment, just a moment, like he's waiting for her to say something. When she stays silent and the only noise that breaks through the roaring silence is the sound of their labored breathing, he shakes his head, turns and walks away.

She doesn't follow this time.

--

_wear me out, scream and shout_

_-sneaker pimps, 6 underground_

--

Ruby bites down on her lip until she tastes blood and stares at the door in front of her until her vision blurs and she has to blink. The door in front of her looms like something in the dark that is coming to get her. Hesitantly, she reaches up, almost knocks and then sighs and drops her head into her hands. This is utterly ridiculous. She's afraid of knocking on a door. How pathetic is that? Honestly.

She's not sure what to say. This is a new situation, one she's never been in before. He...loves her. _Her? _Really? Why? No one's ever loved her before. Not someone like Dean anyways. What does she say to that? How does she respond? It's times like these she wishes she had a girl friend.

She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes and tries again. This time, before her hand can even come into contact with the door, it swings open and she holds her breath. Almost immediately however, she lets out the breath she's holding and her shoulders slump. ''Sam.''

''Ruby.'' Smirking, the younger Winchester leans against the door and crosses his arms. ''Sorry. I got tired of waiting for you to knock.''

''You knew I was out here?''

''You've been standing here for ten minutes.'' He leans closer, eyes twinkling with amusement. ''Did you think that door was going to do a trick?''

''Oh, shut up.''

''Hmmm, someone's touchy tonight. What's wrong with you? Didn't get your fix of my brother?''

She sighs impatienly and folds her own arms across her chest, eyes growing hard and cold and most definitely unimpressed by his careless remark. ''Ha fucking ha, Sam. Look,'' she rubs her forehead tiredly and tries not to glare. ''I need to talk to Dean.''

_''Shocking.''_

''Sam, I. Need. To. Talk. To. Dean. Don't make me kick your ass. You know I could.''

''Okay,'' he drawls slowly and blinks, smile fading as he watches her closely, like he's waiting for her to continue. ''So....go talk to him. Why are you here?''

She frowns and tries to look over his shoulder. Yeah, like that's possible. Even in heels, she's still way shorter than him. ''He's not here?''

Sam tilts his head to the side and regards her carefully. ''No. He went down to the bar on the corner. You don't know this?'' And the smirk's back in full force. If she didn't know better, she'd say he's drunk. It's very unusual for Sam to be so...._less broody._ ''Why, Ruby, I thought you knew everything.''

Growing annoyed with whatever he's trying to pull, she glares, lets her black eyes show and steps forwards, bringing herself inches away from him and...she stomps on his foot with her heeled boot. When he yelps and yells out a string of curses, she grins and turns with an overdramatic flip of her hair as she click, click, clicks down the hallway. She's halfway down the hall and she's just heard the door slam when she hears a familiar voice.

''You know, as dramatic exits go that one would have to be one of the top five.''

She jumps and puts a hand over her heart, turning around to face the green eyed Winchester. ''Dean!'' Her voice sounds obnoxiously loud and nervous and she swears she sees his lips twitch in amusement. ''Wh-What are you doing here?'' He smiles, she presses her lips together and winces. ''Oh,'' she laughs nervously. ''Right.''

Shaking his head in either amusement or weariness, he pushes himself off the wall he's leaning against and moves towards her, speaking in a perfectly pleasant tone. One she's never heard before. ''Is there something you needed, Ruby?''

''Uh...I....Yeah....I...I came to see you to - ''

''Why?'' His eyes grow blank and he works very hard to pretend he doesn't care.

''Well, I...'' She doesn't pretend to be good with words, she doesn't pretend to be an expert at this stuff, so her nerves shouldn't surprise her. But for some reason, they do and she can't manage to speak. No one has ever made her this nervous before. He really is one of a kind. ''I-I think we need to t-talk about what h-happened. About...what you...what you said.'' She pauses and swallows, looking at him through her hair, like she's afraid he's going to pounce on her. She's a strong, very powerful demon who could probably kill him with a flick of her wrist but at this moment, she looks more like a frightened little mouse than a dangerous demoness.

He does not say anything for a very long time, he studies her carefully trying to decipher if this whole little lamb thing she's got going on is just an act. When he decides it's very real, he closes the distance and grabs her hands in his, smiling a wide and fake smile. ''Come with me.''

''W-What?'' She doesn't pull out of his grasp and allows herself to be led towards something she can't quite see just yet. ''Where?''

''Ssshh, don't ruin the surprise.''

--

_dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room?_

_-jack's mannequin, dark blue_

--

The fairy lights in the trees twinkle in the night air, lighting up the small park. This really is a storybook little town, isn't it? Ruby fights away a small scoff, tossing a disgusted look at the fairytale surrounding her. ''Dean, what are we doing here?''

''Shush.'' He sits her down on a park bench and she has to draw in a sharp and nervous breath when he sits next to her. ''I want to show you something.'' His gaze travels upwards to the stars in the sky and she follows his eyes. ''You see that star right there?'' Dean points to a star in the middle, silver ring on his finger catching in the moonlight.

Ruby nods and keeps her eyes on the star and off of him. ''Yeah.'' It's a beautiful star, not too bright, not too dim, and it sparkles like diamond, surrounded by pretty little stars like they're trying to protect it. ''I see it. Why?''

He smiles, but it looks tired and wistful, just a hint of grief in green irises. ''That's my mother's star.''

''Your mother....?'' Her face twists in confusion and she turns her gaze from the star, to him. He doesn't look at her, keeps his eyes locked on the stars above as he answers her unsaid question.

''When my father proposed to my mother, he...didn't have enough money for a ring so he got her a star and named it after her instead. He...'' Dean's lip twitch again, but he doesn't let himself smile this time. ''He really loved her.''

There's a second of silence, because neither of them know what to say next, and then she licks her lips and speaks, her gaze focused on her hands. ''Would you give me the stars, Dean?''

''Ruby...'' His rough, calloused fingers touch her smooth, pale skin, lifting her chin up, emerald meeting cerulean. ''I'd give you the world.''

She tries to laugh, but it gets caught in her throat and she has to close her eyes at the sudden burst of feeling that hits her like a train. She nods slowly and resists the urge to bite her lip. ''I believe you.''

His hand moves to her cheek and it stays there. He can't remember how to stop, he just knows he has to keep touching her or she'll disappear like every other woman in his life. She blinks open blue eyes and looks at him intently, like she's trying to see right through every mask he wears and straight into the things he keeps.

''Dean, did you...did you mean it? What you said?''

He hesitates and his hand falters on her cheek. Then he nods and smiles a half smile. ''I did.''

''You...love me?''

''I do. Do you love me?''

''I..I don't know,'' she has to look away, down to her trembling hands, because she can feel everything about to break. Sure enough, the tears come all at once and when she looks back up at him, there are tears glistening in her eyes like the stars glisten in the sky. ''What does love feel like?''

He has to think about the question for a moment, trying to find the best way to describe this terribly awful and wonderful feeling inside. ''It feels...It feels...'' Finally, after a little too long, he sighs and meets her eyes, answering the question the only way he knows how. ''...Like a virus.''

She blinks and raises an eyebrow. Lovely. ''A virus?''

She's smiling now, but he can't see, he's looking somewhere off in the distance. ''Yes, a virus. A deadly virus crawling in and out and poisoning you with all these stupid feelings inside. It makes you nervous and jumpy and so fucking angry. It's horrible and painful and....it could be the best thing in the world if you love someone stupid enough to love you back.'' He snaps out of it and turns towards her, letting his eyes cloud with darkness, love and lust. She shivers under his unwavering gaze, but it's not all that horrible. ''That's what love feels like,'' he murmurs.

She does not say a word and he frowns, thinking he's scared her a little too much. Slowly, he reaches out and brushes a blond strand away from her eyes. ''Do I make you nervous, Ruby?''

She laughs, her mouth smiles, but all he can see is her eyes. ''You do. It's a strange feeling.'' She thinks for a second about all these feeling she has and tries to decipher one from another.

So...does she love him?

She thinks she could.

Swallowing hard, she looks down and tries to take a few deep breaths before she leans forwards and taks his hand in hers. His is warm, hers is cold. Like their personalties. He is light and she is dark, he is human, she is not. He is hunter, she is demon. Quite the pair, aren't they? ''Dean,'' she whispers softly and looks up to meet his eyes. ''I think....I think I love you.''

Silence lands with a crash and stays for a moment and then he searches for the words to break through. He settles for something stupid and so unbelievably _Dean Winchester._ ''So...what are you so afraid of?''

And maybe she's a demon, but she doesn't live in a cave. Rolling her eyes, she bites back another sigh. ''Oh, Jesus,'' she moans, weary and a little annoyed as she pinches the bridge of her nose. ''Dean, I am _trying_ to be serious here.''

He grins a cocky grin and wraps his arms around her tightly when she tries to get away. ''Are you afraid of a love there is no cure for?''

''You are _such_ a moron.''

''But you _looove _me anyways.''

She smiles, slightly wistful and not at all dangerous like usual. It's the most peculiar feeling...like a virus...a lot like love. ''Yes,'' she whispers, and brings herself closer to him. ''I believe I do. How do you feel about that?''

He shrugs carelessly and tries to act like this is no big deal, when in reality, this is one of the biggest things that has ever happened to him. ''As long as I'm not in love all on my own.''

And it sounds so strange, so human, so normal. Unlike all the other human emotions that scare the hell out of her, she finds this one is slightly less scary. But only slightly. ''In love,'' she mulls over the words carefully and find they taste sweet on her tongue. ''That's a new one for me. I've never done that before.''

''Don't worry, darlin','' he deadpans, ''I'll be gentle with you.''

''Hmm...'' She has to pause to clear her throat because suddenly there's all these images of a future in her head. A future. Something she never ever thought she would have. ''Good. Wouldn't want to break me.''

_(good luck with that. she really has no idea of what's to come, now does she?)_

He smiles at her, an actual, honest to God, eye crinkling smile and not a smirk. ''So,'' he begins in a drawl. ''I was thinking I'd really like to kiss you, but I'm not going to push you into anything so - ''

She jolts forwards and cuts him off mid sentence by pressing her lips to his. She startles him and uses so much strength they nearly go tumbling off the park bench, but somehow manage to catch themselves. His arms wind around her waist, pulling her onto his lap and she deepens the kiss by slipping her tongue into his mouth. The heated lip lock that seems to be sealing the deal lasts for several seconds, close to two minutes and then they remember that their bodies require oxygen and they have to come up for air. Their eyes remain shut, like their intense kiss has taken all their strength and now they can't even manage to open their eyes.

''Ruby,'' he says, slightly breathless from the kiss, ''I love you.'' He says it just to hear how it sounds. It doesn't sound all that bad. In fact, it sounds pretty damn good.

''I know,'' she smirks and tilts her head to the side. ''I'm fairly certain I love you too.''

''Fairly certain, huh? We're going to have to work on that.'' He looks at her for a moment, like he's never going to see her again and all he wants is to imprint her face, her eyes, her lips, the light blush on her cheeks, in his head forever and ever. ''I wish...'' He trails off and swallows hard, closing his eyes for a second. ''I wish I had met you before.''

At his words, she smiles weakly and tucks her arm into his, resting her head on his shoulder. She doesn't say anything, doesn't respond, and he doesn't mention The Deal. Doesn't mention how much time he has left. It'll be the unspoken words between them, the elephant in the room for however long this thing between them lasts. They think - they _know_ - they can cope. They need each other more then they will say. They sit in comfortable silence for a few moments and then she clears her throat and speaks, ''You should go back to the room and get some sleep.''

He heaves a sigh and tries to come up with some way to get out of going back to the room without her. He could ask her to stay, but he's pretty sure Sammy would _not_ appreciate that. It is tempting though....

She stands with another one of those smiles that make his knees go weak and pulls him to his feet. ''Come on, short bus. Can't have you falling asleep when I find some excuse to come see you tomorrow.''

_Tomorrow._

It's a little embarassing to admit, but it's been a long time since he's had a tomorrow with a woman. Usually his 'realationships' last one night and then he leaves them behind. Ruby's different. She'll follow him anywhere. And does that scare him more than anything? Yes. Is he willing to swallow hard and take that risk? Hell yes. She's worth it.

Strange, odd, unusual, but true.

--

_now that we know it's time can we walk this line together?_

_-the kin, together_

--

The parking lot, lit only by dim lights and the red, blinking Vacancy sign, is silent when they get back. It's only them all alone, her body leaning casually against his car like she belongs there. Maybe she does.

''So,'' she folds her arms across her chest and smirks, all control just like always, all signs of the girl from the park, nervous and trembling gone. ''You should get in there. Sam's probably worried.''

He smirks and lets his eyes glint with something she can't quite identify. ''Sam's probably fast asleep. Kid sleeps like the dead, you know.''

''Huh,'' she licks her lips and nods, ''that's good to know.'' Her eyes lock with his and she holds his gaze for a long time, lust shooting through both of them. She breaks the eye contact first and takes a breath, pushing herself off the car and moving towards him. ''Dean,'' she murmurs softly, reaching out and grasping his jacket in her fingers. ''Does this mean we're...together? Does this mean I'm....like...your girl now?''

He chuckles lightly in response and his arms wind around her waist automatically. ''That depends,'' is his response, programmed into his head like all his basic instincts. ''Do you want to be my girl?''

''I...don't think it would be entirely awful.''

''Well,'' he smirks and this time it's the familiar dangerous Dean Winchester smirk she's seen so many times before. ''Okay then.'' He pulls her closer, holding her tight and she doesn't pull away, doesn't feel afraid of the so-totally-human emotions coursing through her, she doesn't even flinch. His eyes darken with lust, almost like their second kiss when he threw her against the wall. Only this time it's less fucking terrifying. ''You're my girl,'' he reaches up and twirls a strand of her hair. ''Does that make you feel?''

''It makes me feel a lot of things.'' Instead of listing all the emotions she's feeling, she brings her lips to his and kisses him with all the lust she has. His feet move, backing her into the car and his hands go on either side of her head, trapping her as her hands move from gripping his jacket to gripping his shirt tightly. It's a long kiss and they're both starting to lose control. One of them makes a sound and they pull away, eyes opening, breathing unsteady and erratic. She smiles, perhaps a little drunkenly and when she disentangles herself and steps away, she stumbles a little.

''I'll see you tomorrow, Dean.'' She leans up and brushes a soft kiss to his cheek before she starts to move away from him.

And he almost lets her go, almost lets her slip away again, but this time, he ingores the logic whispering, _''You can't do this, Sam's waiting for you. Relex, you have all the time in the world to be with her.'' _And he listens to his heart that's telling him, _''Don't let her go. You don't have all the time in the world.''_

He reaches out and grabs her arm before she disappears and spins her around to face him, eyes meeting.

One word.

One syllable.

Four letters.

One small word.

One _big_ meaning.

''Stay.''

--

_where do we go from here  
turn all the lights down now  
smiling from ear to ear (I'm feeling this)  
our breathing has got too loud (I'm feeling this)  
show me the bedroom floor (I'm feeling this)  
show me the bathroom mirror (I'm feeling this)  
we're taking this way too slow (I'm feeling this)  
take me away from here (I'm feeling this)_**end**

-blink 182, feeling this

* * *

**AN: Yeah, I'm not really sure how I feel about this. It's not exactly what I was going for. I was going to try and keep them in character for once. I was going to try and make it physical and humorous and sarcastic and maybe even a little violent. The thing with the kids was supposed to have a bigger roll, which is why it may seem a little out of place and forgotten a little too quickly. I have no idea how it turned into this. Huh. Well, maybe if I have time some other time, I'll do a different version of this. For now, I just want to finish up this story because I really, reall need to work on getting **_**Pace Yourself **_**(another 'Silver Ring' story) written and posted. My goal is to finish it and have it all posted before season five starts. Back to this story. I just have to mention the Partridge Family reference. Of course the song that was referenced was **_**I Think I Love You**_** which Katie Cassidy did a version of because guess who her father is? David Cassidy. And if you don't know who David Cassidy is then you should come out of the rock you're living under. Anyways, hope this story was good and I hope I get some reviews.**

**Kisses, Becks**


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